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After the Breakup

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Ok, so most of us have been there…. the dreaded (and sometimes not so dreaded) breakup. For me, after the breakup is an essential part of a relationship – you can find out a lot about yourself in those next couple of days, weeks, months, and (unfortunately sometimes) years.

Now, how you handle a breakup can be dependent on what type of relationship you were in. For instance, with any relationship that lasted for a year or more and ended either abruptly or simply unresolved, you have the permission of the relationship gods to go a little crazy. This level of craziness, of course, is dependent on how long that relationship was and how much work and investment you’d put into in.

Here is an example. You were in a relationship for say, a year or two. Things were fine (not exactly romantic comedy fine but let’s be real – how many of them out there really are?) then he/she breaks it off and you’re left with unresolved feelings and heightened confusion. You are allowed, at most, three drunk calls/texts or even emails over a period of time, any more than that, and well, you’ll just come off as being needy, and no one really wants that. See, it is your right to be allowed those few spastic moments of letting things slip… you know it and he/she knows it, so feel free, and clamp down on the guilt that inevitably follows.

The next thing is to indulge. Indulge to your heart’s content. But never in sex or rebounds, no! Step away from that friend or ex who you occasionally have sex with, and do not start flirting up a storm with that guy/girl who you’d had your eye on for a while. That will do you no good.  The best thing for you to do is to deal with those unresolved feelings head on. You’re sad, be sad! Whether it is watching corny romance movies or obsessively listening to heartbreak albums like Adele’s 21 and Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill. The best thing you can do is deal. Even if it’s just talking to your friends over and over about the relationship and your feelings, then do it – a very important job of a friend is to lend an ear in these situations so take advantage. A true friend will always listen, even if all they want to do is just strangle you when you get annoying about it.

Another thing is to cry. Don’t be afraid to cry because you’re thinking he/she doesn’t deserve your tears. Let it out. One of the worst things that you could do is to not deal with those emotions and keep them bottled up. This behavior can lead to certain personality changes in your next relationship, and not in a good way, and you end up sabotaging what could possibly be a really good relationship. Also, do not hesitate to ask why things ended if you’re unclear. Knowing the issues of the past can mend those of the future.

So feel free to be angry, mopey, sad, depressed – hate the world if you must – as long as you deal with your feelings and not be ashamed of them. It may take some time, but it’s through time that we learn.

 

The Theory of Love

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Love – such a tricky thing. Where does it come from? Why do we experience it? And, is it really the root of all evil? Ok, maybe that last question is a bit off, but love does hold a certain kind of je ne sais quoi that makes it easy to theorize until we’re personally satisfied.

We all have our stories and different approaches when it comes to love. Some try to avoid it at all cost, many search for it with an almost obsessive passion, and others, well, they just leave it to fate.

Scientists suffice that the brain produces its own substances that are involved in bonding. That it’s thanks to certain chemicals and hormones that your heart swoops. According to science, there are a variety of different neurochemical processes and external stimuli that have to click in the right complex and the right sequence for someone to fall in love. Plausible… possibly… But one cannot help to think that the beauty of love is not just thanks to neurotransmitters and chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. That’s not very romantic now is it? And love is supposed to be this amazing, romantic thing, right?

That’s why many of us find it so easy to believe that we are destined to be with someone – that one mate for our soul. We meet, fall in love, and (for those who are a bit dreamy) live happily ever after. But is that really love? Is it really that beautiful romantic thing that so many of us crave to find with that one special person? Or, is it something of a more sinister nature? I mean, many have died because of love; and a heartbreak – oh a heartbreak can be the worst kind of pain. Still, we search – whether intentionally or not, we all have, at one point or another, been a slave to those four letters.

We cannot orchestrate falling in love with someone, either it’ll happen or it won’t. And many times we’re not even aware of that exact moment when it does happen. If you think you do, then you, my friend, are reaching because when you sit down and really think about it you will find that it’s not actually that exact instant when you fell in love that you remember, but it’s the epiphanic moment when you realized that it had, in fact, already happened.

Maybe its chemicals dancing up a storm in our brain, or maybe it’s a fateful connection on a soul level. Whatever it is, the bottom line remains – it’s called falling in love for a reason. Because once you’re in, baby, and I mean truly in, it can be one of the most heart-wrenching and agonising experiences to get out of. But, hey, don’t let that deter you from enjoying it when it does happen. Love, despite the pain and suffering that goes along with it, does hold the absolute best feeling you’ll ever have in this lifetime – especially when the person that you’re in love with loves you back with just as much passion, or more.

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