Existential Crisis?

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When it’s quiet, really quiet, I feel the echoes of my existence bleeding through my skin.
I try to stay still – no breathing, no thinking – just floating.
Maybe that will keep it at bay.
It usually does for a little while.
Not often though.
The heavy feeling of my breath, my heartbeat-
The fact that I am here in this moment (this space) is something that has always haunted me.
Does it haunt you too?
Do you want to pause your existence and not feel, not touch, not smell, not want…?
These moments are my torture – my masochistic thrill,
For, if I do not feel the weight of my existence, how do I know that i’m alive?

Motionless Movements

Sometimes I feel like I’m fading – like I’m drifting between worlds at such a pace that my movements become blurred and distorted.

There are times when I feel the intensity of my existence, and it calms me – lulling me into a sense of blissful awareness.

While other times, I feel suffocated by the pull, by the noise and the hushed breaths that escape my lungs.

My existence is in motions, but I feel stilled sometimes, like I’m standing in quietude while the world moves around me.

I know I’m not still. I’m never really still. I’m always moving, feeling, knowing and screaming.

This is my insides, but I remain still.