RHYME AND RHYTHM
For years I lived relentlessly as a juggernaut,
Souring through space like an astronaut.
Then you cracked me open like a coconut,
And soon I was no longer like an Argonaut.
As my veins split open and you seeped through,
I could no longer think clearly with the same views,
I was drowning in emotions of what I couldn’t tell,
Like you’d found me and put me under some voodoo spell.
You made me yearn for your touches and your smiles,
You made me cry with your words and your wiles.
I felt weak ‘cus you turned me into a puddle,
So I would seek just to corrupt this riddle.
But now I’m simply chilling by the side,
Letting these waves wash over me like a tide.
I’ve given up on trying to figure out this love thing,
And will just wait for my death by your heart strings.
Sometimes I feel like I’m fading – like I’m drifting between worlds at such a pace that my movements become blurred and distorted.
There are times when I feel the intensity of my existence, and it calms me; lulling me into a sense of blissful awareness.
While other times, I feel suffocated by the pull, by the noise and the hushed breaths that escape my lungs.
My existence is in motions, but I feel stilled sometimes, like I’m standing in quietude while the world moves around me.
I know I’m not still. I’m never really still. I’m always moving, feeling, knowing and screaming.
This is my insides, but I remain still.
It’s a certain kind of feeling that I ran from
That I chased
That I now can’t live without
Undulating in its attack, it struck gold with this soul
As I can’t let it go
How can I?
These feelings of warmth and bliss
And flutters in the midst
Where do I go from this?
I can hear them speaking so quietly to me
Tearing at my mind to bend it to their will
I’m closer to death than I’ve thought possible in a while
And the closer I get the more pleasant my hell
I will bask in my emotions until they drive me to the edge
I will sing along with the voices that taunt
I will sit by the tree that never flourishes – yet
I will not answer their call
OUR TIME WILL COME
“Cold heart do not beat so loud.”
I lay here bleeding for you
Waiting for the pain to pass
Praying for death
As your image stays glued in my mind’s eye
Making me want…..need
My veins sigh now in freedom
Happy that their insides are pouring out in praise – nay exaltation – of a new day!
Fit me in a padded room
Line me with the walls
Sever me from reality
Thrill me with your calls
Dancing little fireflies
Making wishes true
Little men in corners
All my thoughts they knew
Brain tumoured crazy
Drug induced high
I’m the one who’s really sane
Everyone else denies!
Heartbreak is my mistress,
We lie well in time.
Whenever there is sorrow,
She whets my lips like wine.
Heartbreak brings me peace,
Her smile is my undoing.
Wherever there is an opening,
She readies me for the wooing.
BENEATH THE SHEETS
He lied love between his teeth, while he bedded another.
Deliberately stirred my heart in fear of me moving on.
And kept me beneath the sheets.
Silly girl. Just move on and forget the manipulating prick.
A little bit longer and i will – a few years is not that long.
I’ll just become involved with someone else – that’ll show him.
Silly girl. You’re still in bed with him.
I know, I’ll tell him to go to hell, delete his
number, his texts and those late night images that would invade my dreams.
He no longer exists. Just a little bit longer. He simply waits.
He knows that I’ll eventually forget.
The bastard calls. I accept.
I love you he’d say before hanging up.
Son of a bitch! I love you too, I’d breathe reluctantly.
Back to square one. Beneath the sheets.
ABOVE AND BEYOND
I can feel my soul bleeding,
Shedding tears of lonesomeness and bliss.
I’ve no control over the gaping hole that sits on my chest,
Seeking – wanting to pull the next victim through and bring him to his knees.
I’m a perpetual masochist,
A continuous black mist that encircles and destroys.
I’m not without feelings – feelings of me, myself and I.
Still…. Kiss me on my cheek, and let me know your insides.
Daddy never heard me
As I barely breathed and waited.
Crouching below the floor boards,
I ignored the smell of rat pee
And the feel of tiny creatures scampering across my bare feet.
Peering through the cracks, I witnessed the demise of my mother
As the music of her voice was replaced with cries of pain.
And the hands that taught me to play baseball –
Now swung with the purpose of teaching her how to be a ‘good wife’.
Daddy did not hear me that night
When I escaped from the hell of the floorboards.
And, with the bat that held so many fond memories,
I smashed away the celebration of my father.
THE MUSE OF DEATH
It has been a while since I left my sins behind.
Jealous of the others who occupy their minds.
As my punishment takes form,
I shall welcome it with bliss.
Simply smile at my destiny and wish for a kiss.
Do not let the quiet ones know your pain,
We’re supposed to be strong,
But I’ll embrace my shame.
There’s an echoing rejection inside my head.
Whichever for the other,
Let us rejoice with the dead!
Do not desert me now because I’ve allowed the screws loose,
Stay closer to me my comforted muse.
FOR THE DEATH-CHILD
Do you know why I cry,
Why i stare at the moon and howl?
Are you aware of the pain that stains,
Or is it just too soon?
I want to escape,
Escape from the real.
And bestow gifts and kisses on your grave
While I prepare my last meal.
I’m staring right at you with my heart in hand.
Clutching the aftereffects of our love-whirl
That’s now driving me mad.
Love child of the after
Embrace my longed need.
Do not leave my side and allow me to feed.
My wishes may see faults,
But it’s only for our time.
Let’s continue while you look off
And I painlessly die.
SHADOWS OF DEATH
Is Death stalking you?
Breathing down your neck and making your hair stand up?
Is he perched in your happy places, waiting – daring you to become comfortable?
Death waits in the shadows,
And sighs quietly when you miss that step that could bring you to him.
He smiles when you touch the blade to your wrist,
And holds his breath in anticipation when you fill your palm with pills.
But, before the smell of death,
Should we bask in the precious illusions that life offers,
And the sinful wants that provide a temporary relief?
Or, should we just delve into the enticing mist of the afterlife?
THE LIES THAT ARE ALWAYS TRUE
There is no happy ending!
We are all screwed from that first awkward kiss
To the descend into blissful lies and wants.
It’s never what is played out in dreams.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some moments
Of ignorant sweet talks and coy smiles under covers.
And of course coated seconds of a few orgasmic touches which –
In truth – will be great.
But, my dear, it will never last.
Happy endings are for princesses stuck in a time warp
Between the pages of children’s books.
They’re not for reality,
Not my reality,
And sure as hell not his.
So do away with blind wants, my dear,
And embrace the Happily Never After that lies in wake.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
My tears mix with his sweat and I sigh.
This is my masochistic lover – the one who makes my knees weak and leaves my bed before I sleep.
I’m the dirty little secret that resides under cover,
Being brought to the surface when there’s a need to recover.
This soul yearns and dies a little each time between our passes,
Clenching to the imagination of a fool.
With this sin as my burden I shall bear the mark,
And sit quietly as each parting moment rips a piece from my heart.
Soon, there will be a skeleton of me – a shadow of what I knew.
Still… knowing…. I stay.
He’s my dirty little secret too.
I will never leave you; you are the pulse that keeps me sane.
My forever companion – my moments of self-loathe, pain, and thrills.
You have taught me expression,
How to serve myself with knowledge passed through the times.
If not for you I’d have been a sheep – a consequence of sociological creation.
“I would die for you”
This passion wields a sword that does not go dull, but stays sharp with each wrinkle and stretch that peeks.
You are my true soul mate, the one who hides and keeps create my secrets.
You and I are beasts from the same belly!
No one can keep us apart – not my hidden muse, or time, or even that nuisance called life.
This is for you, my special ingenium.
It’s in retrospect that I will speak,
Embracing the foils of my thrills, and her drills of possible possibilities.
She remained quiet – going against her blood to exist.
Still, these stripes could not be broken,
Not while silent possibilities remained underfoot.
Knowing – she stood on the precipice (waiting) pondering when the leap will occur.
Another inevitable death.
So, with a sigh she embraced it – the eventuality of possible possibilities.
Let’s play the game a bit longer
While the seeds of torment take root and devour the mind.
Let’s blend with the background and stroke,
Shedding insecure moments and passing guesses.
We’ve played the game well – more before than this.
After all, the clenching pain is what brings back the best memories.
Denial can be your best friend too,
He’s always there to soothe, calm and rain kisses on your open wounds.
Sweet Death, no one can truly understand you.
They fear, stare – and try to figure out your contours.
But, these Beings do not know how to expand their mind.
It is forever in the shadows that you seek,
Behind your many masks that you speak,
And on those untouched floorboards that you creak.
Tempting the unbidden and allowing difference for the needy.
I have tasted you on the tip of my tongue, and i became an addict.
You have breathed through my pores, rested behind my corneas,
And settled in the pit of my stomach when we needed time alone.
Then, you would disappear from my reaches to satiate your unended dry thirst.
You have never given me too much…. or enough,
Just that particular amount to quench my appetite until fate states that our courtship must end.
DAYS OF PAST
Let us cleanse ourselves of an unwanted past,
Sing songs of triumph for what is to come,
And allow the graces of the in-between to grow.
We Speak of stages – here is mine,
The one that does not allow for excuses or time.
Where wishes and wants have to be a little more cemented,
And all the ‘goodstuff‘ does not lie with the demented.
Happy endings… days of past,
We shall meet again in the looking glass.
If ever we should stumble just look to the present one,
He who will stay close till our days are done.
He lingers still between the shadows,
Averse to any attacks of will.
He waits so patiently to take your being,
Sit back, relax and stay still.
Some may feel a pull – while others remain cloaked.
How often have you felt that buzz that lingers on your walls?
Cry tears of loss and you’ll see what hope has done.
Just let go, and try to breathe that sigh that never seems to come.
I want to be raped by your fantasies,
Imprisoned by your glares of hatred and disgust.
I long to feel your nails biting into my throat
While your heated essence invades my aura.
I yearn for you to rip the dress off my back
And lick the blood from the scars that you’ve created.
There is no control; I’m locked in my wanton cravings.
Such forbidden fruit should be ripped from the tree and devoured!
Your darkness does not scare me,
I need your sin.
I want you to tear my legs open again and again.
I am here for you to quench your needs,
As my thirst for your fire plants these black seeds.
There are but these moments,
Sad, I can’t remember when
I didn’t feel these urges and would in sin descend.
I can feel it now, your breath on my neck,
Getting warmer and warmer knowing I won’t object.
Such tormenting thrill,
Don’t play pretend with sex.
Moments like these are better than the next.
Once upon a time there was purity between these thighs,
An untouched flower that shied from the sun.
Now it stretches unabashedly towards it,
And such purities of once upon a time are done.
There are unshed tears in my eyes and lies between my lips,
My betrayals are without fear as I sinfully sway my hips.
Emotions are lost as I float from one to the other,
Each a different stranger – screwing undercover.
I will not smear you with my sin,
Your innocence is all I have left.
The purity that cloaked my womanhood has been lifted.
Once upon a time I was Snow White…. but I drifted.